I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
