Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
