They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
