Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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