The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He shit in the fireplace
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
