we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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