Can Purell be used as lube?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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