I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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