drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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