she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
