i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
