watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
