you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize