Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
