i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize