so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
