i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
