Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize