I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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