"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
