I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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