I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
