we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
