I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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