Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
