At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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