would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
