you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize