If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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