I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
