Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
