his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
