Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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