my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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