I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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