remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
