they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Semen is not good for contacts.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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