whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
