i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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