made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
