Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
