i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I smell stomach acid.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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