apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
