Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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