I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
