just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
