It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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