I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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