Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
