You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
