I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize