we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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