Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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