yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
