I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
