We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
