Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
