I can tuck mytits in my pants
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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