Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
