i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
