Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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