my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
