I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
