Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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