god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Green mimosas i think yes
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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