I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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