TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The air was thick with penises
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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