I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
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