Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
