you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
