found the other keg... it's in the tree
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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