I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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